Show Up with Enthusiasm
The best sexplay happens when you are happy and excited to be there. Love what you do, show up and stay present. Set the mood and reward your partner with moans of encouragement and reciprocal play.
Being able to lay back, relax and actively receive pleasure takes an open mind and practice. Showing up ready to receive, without your mind getting in the way or wanting it to stop because receiving is not how you were taught to navigate life, especially pleasure, may come easily or over time as you learn how to lean into pleasure.
Here are my tips for “Going Down” when it comes to giving and receiving oral sex:
Listen and Communicate
Communication is Key. Use body language, eye contact, dirty talk, and moaning to guide the cunnilingus journey.
Tune In
Watch, listen and encourage your partner to communicate what is working. By showing up and staying present you will learn what works best. With practice your will only get better and better.
Turn On
Know their “turn-ons”. Get ready to perform. If you are on the receiving end, guide your pleasure with moans and dirty talk.
Dress the Part. Show up fresh and clean. Whether lingerie, naked, or roll playing all will be appreciated.
Bring It. This is a dance that may require your full attention. Use your eyes, hands, mouth, tongue, and body. Shame is not welcome here!
Set the Mood
Dial in the music, lighting, and ambiance. Dress the part, make eye contact, smile, and don’t forget that magic mouth and hands.
Tanya’s Tip: Be the Star. Dial in visuals by incorporating mirrors and even broadcasting video from phone to TV. Visuals can help you stay present and connected.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Nothing comes easy. You will only get better with practice.
1,2,3… Yes!
Lean into Pleasure. Free your Mind to receive.
Get in There. Oral sex includes kissing, licking, fingering and stimulating the vulva and clitoris.
Listen and Communicate. Consent by way of “dirty talk” is a great way to set the mood.
Take your Time. Women are multi-orgasmic. Once those oO’s start rolling they can keep on cuming and cuming.
Find Positions that Work. On your knees to 69, it is hard to get this wrong if everyone is comfortable.
Tease and Titillate. Start slow and work your way to and around the vulva before indulging in the clitoris.
Go Slow, Slower, Fast, Slow, Faster… Build a consistent rhythm and pressure all while tuning into your partner's moans and verbal clues.
Build arousal touching with consistent circular motion. Listen and double down on what is working.
Don’t get stuck on the clitoris. It's time to multi-task. Add fingers, your mouth and tongue can use the help.
If that first orgasm comes, don't stop, keep on going, this may be a good time to move into 69.
Tanya’s Tip: Show up fresh and clean. Encourage and reward your partner to do the same. If STD’s are a concern you can always use a dental dam.
Rhythm, Breath, and Control
There is an art to both giving and receiving and it starts with showing up and staying present.
Find your rhythm, breathe, and stay present. Communicate what is working best, guide the process and enthusiastically savor every moment.
It Takes Two to Tango
Both “Giver” and "Receiver" have a part to play.
Tanya’s Tips: If bringing cannabis to the party, edible sex play is a great way to increase arousal, free the mind, and titillate the senses. By elevating sound, visuals, taste, smell, and touch you can dial in orgasmic pleasure. This just gets better and better with practice.
Check out YestoSex blog for weekly articles that explore Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll with a deep dive into science, shame and culture.
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